My journey.

Do you ever struggle with being vulnerable?? 

Do you find it difficult to be real and authentic??

Do you find it scarey to be open and transparent??

Over the past few years I have been on a journey. Not a journey with a destination in mind but a journey whereby I see things along the way. Make new discoveries. Have adventures. Learn new things. 

 A journey that I hope never ends.

With my husband, children and a few especially close friends I can share my journey, my vulnerabilities, my real self and be totally authentic. I am not saying I am fake with everyone else. I am pretty real and honest and what you see is what you get. But I know there are some parts of me that I don't reveal to all.

My intention was to share my journey and heart here on this blog. Put it all out there. There was probably no-one reading it anyway.  However, I have found it difficult. For quite some time I have wondered why. I love to write and journal and I find it easy to access my thoughts. Still I know I am holding back. 

After a conversation with someone a while back I slowly began to realise why. It was a trust issue.

 I don't have many followers and I really have no idea how many people read my blog without following. The numbers don't bother me. I don't blog to build numbers. But I am scared. Scared because I don't know. Scared because I don't trust. Scared because there are probably people I know in my community who do read my blog. Scared because I do not want to be judged or ridiculed.

I think I feel particularly vulnerable because I live in a small community. Everyone knows everything about everyone. And really the question I have to ask myself is do I want the people who are around me everyday in my community to know my heart and soul so openly. Do I trust them??

Honestly, no I do not. Some people yes. Absolutely. I trust them and know my heart and soul are safe with them. Others though, not so much. I have seen all to often the way people treat one another. And yes I know because I too don't always treat others as I should.

Revealing your heart, your passions, your soul can be scarey at the best of times but revealing these amongst those who you know around you in your everyday life is positively nightmare-ish.

So what is the answer? Do I continue to keep somethings hidden deep in my soul? Do I continue to only share with the 'safe' people in my world?? Do I blog superficially??

No, no and no.

I want to be vulnerable, real, authentic.

I want to be open and transparent.

I want to be me.

I could make some sweeping promise to start trusting right now today.

 I could make a promise to reveal all here on this blog.

But I can't.

 It doesn't work that way.

 It takes time and prayer. It takes space and openess. 

 So my promise is this. To continue my journey. Continue to see what is shown to me and to continue to remain open to what is.  

Today I am.........

Enjoying:  the cool breeze which reminds me that winter is on its way. Oh how I long for winter. Where I live winter is fairly mild, however it is still cool enough to snuggle under the doona, wear scarves, enjoy yummy soups, stews and home made bread. Ahh winter I am waiting.

Tired:  mostly because of a lack of sleep. Last night my mind was stirring and dreaming and would not turn off. Even at 1:30 am. 

Hoping: tonight I have a much better sleep. I have a busy few days ahead and sleep could make those days much more pleasant.

Excited:  about the new on-line course I am taking. It's called Creatively Made Business and it is so inspiring. Go here to have a look.

Wishing:  I had an ironing lady so I didn't have to tackle that huge pile of ironing. I really do despise ironing. I would much rather create in my studio.

Loving:  the sunflowers in my kitchen that my husband bought for me. Such happy flowers. I can't help but smile every time I walk into the room.

Thinking:  about dinner tonight and what I could do with some chicken breast. Mustard chicken I think. Always a favourite in this household.

What are you doing today???

Made with Love

Earlier this year I had a friend ask me to make her a little heart shaped art work for her to use in her pregnancy photo shoot.  She had seen this canvas below and wanted her heart in the same look.

Here is what I did: 

Canvas heart

Covered in fabric scraps

Added paint

Added doodling

Printed text and adhered to heart

The finished product.

I was happy with how it turned out and so was my friend. Now I am just waiting to have a look at the pregnancy pictures and for the baby to arrive. 

Heart vs practicalities

After 4 weeks nursing it is time to get back into the studio  

Oh how I have missed this special place.

My haven. 

My soul restoring space. 

My little piece of tranquilty.

Of course I love my nursing. But my heart also craves creativity. 

And lately it has been pushed aside to make room for other things.

So today,

although I have
                                             

mountains of folding to fold,  

dishes to wash,  

beds to make

and floors to clean, 

I have decided to go with what my heart is saying. 

Today it is saying, "folding, dishes, beds and floors can wait, 

However your heart and soul cannot wait".

Today my heart needs to play,

Today my heart needs to feel,

Today my heart needs to create,

Today my heart needs to speak,

Today my heart needs to enjoy,

Today my heart lies here, 

In my private creative space.

Wait and replenish

I can't believe it is already half way through March. It seems like only yesterday I was covering school books and saying goodbye to the last few days of summer holidays. And now here we are, moving ever so closely to the Easter school holidays. Time seems to be racing along no matter how I try to slow things down.

Since my last post in February life has been full. As a family we continue to enjoy the everyday things that make  our life full but then add to that some extra, out of the ordinary events/issues and we begin to overflow. 

And when overflow happens certain things are put to the side. Things like creating and writing/blogging.  And to be honest I just haven't felt like it. Some things have begun to feel like a chore and when that happens I need to take a step back. 

Creating and writing are usually what I do for pleasure, for soul restoration, for me. And lately I haven't had the space or care to do that. 

I am being stretched and pulled in so many directions at the moment.

I am tired in every possible way.

I am weak in body, mind and spirit.

Things that use to give me pleasure are just annoying me at the moment. 

Life is sucking the life out of me. And unfortunately I am not replenishing that with anything. 

Despite all this though I am not unhappy. I am actually joyful. Weird but true. I know this time is for my growth. There is a purpose for it. I just have to keep looking to the strength from above. It will sustain me and it will get me through. Until then I must wait. And very soon I will receive the replenishing I so crave. I just know I will.

16 years

On the 28th January, 1996 I married my best friend and soul mate. It might sound cliche but it is true.
Steve and I loved our wedding. Everything was just perfect. If I got married today I don't think I would change anything. It was a beautiful day that reflected us and our personalities.

After 16 years and 4 children our love has grown stronger and deeper. It is a love that has held us together through the mountains and valleys of life. It is a love that I cherish and honor.  Thank you Steve for chosing me to share your life with. Thank you for inviting me on the journey with you. I love you today and always. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Create Life

Things have been a little quiet in the studio over the summer.  With the kids home for the holidays I have spent time creating memories, yummy food, cubby houses, obstacle courses, flower arrangements and laughter. Of course we did spend some time creating with paint, fabric, paper however this was done mostly in our large eat in kitchen where we could all create together.

Having said that though I did get a few moments here and there to enjoy some creativity. I began 4 canvas pieces. Here is one that is completed. It is an 8" x 8" canvas called 'Tree of life'.

I am really happy with how it has turned out. Can't decide whether to sell it in the shop or keep it. It makes me happy. It reminds me to not be afraid to show all my beauty no matter how different or unique it is. My beauty is there to be seen. It is there to be lived in fullness. Not hidden away in the darkness. My beauty is a gift to be shared.

6 weeks

It is summer here in Australia.

For us that means

: 6 weeks of school holidays.

: 6 weeks to savour the lives of my children.

: 6 weeks to nuture their hearts and souls.

: 6 weeks to play.

: 6 weeks to laugh.

: 6 weeks to stay up later.

: 6 weeks to sleep in a bit.

:  6 weeks to have fun experiences.

: 6 weeks to relax.

: 6 weeks to learn new card games.

: 6 weeks to swim.

: 6 weeks to enjoy the outdoors.

: 6 weeks to enjoy the indoors with the air conditioners on when it is stinking hot outside.

: 6 weeks to be creative and getting messy in the studio.

: 6 weeks to read countless books.

: 6 weeks to explore new places.

: 6 weeks to watch cricket and tennis and DVD's.

: 6 weeks to visit with friends and family.

: 6 weeks to love each other.

At the beginning the 6 weeks seemed so long and I wondered how I would fill the days. Now it is 3 days before school resumes and I am wondering how I can make those 3 days last longer.

A time to reflect.

A new year often brings with it new years resolutions. I don't generally make resolutions however I do use this holiday time to reflect on the year that has been and think of the year ahead. I do think about the good choices and the not so good choices I made in the past year. I think about what I want to remove from my life and I think about what I want to add to my life. I think about how I can make life more rich and fruitful. Not rich in the money sense but rich in the sense of enjoyment, space, soul nourishing. Fruitful in the sense of giving and loving others and adding richness to anothers life too.

A new year can be a time of starting over and sheding some layers. Layers that I don't need anymore.

It can be a time of reflection and a time of consideration.

My husband Steve and I spend a lot of this 'new year' time talking and sharing. Discussing together where we are headed as a family, a couple and as individuals. The space we have access to when our business is on holidays, the kids are on holidays and the world is a bit sleepy is very beneficial for us. We make decisions and plans and share ideas. It connects us in a way that is good and comforting and intimate.

I do love the new year. I love the possibilities. I love the hope. I love the anticipation. I love starting fresh. I love the excitment.  I love New Years.

Christmas day.

Today is Christmas Day. It is 1:16 am and I can't sleep.

The presents are wrapped.

The kids and husband are sleeping.

The world is quiet.

The house is clean.

The fridge and pantry are full of yummy goodness.

The day awaits.

What will today bring???

Here is a video that shares the wonder, peace and hope that is Christmas.  It was written, directed and produced by Laura Pennell.  It stars our 4 kids and and one other girl.