Today I am......

Recovering:   from a week of migraines. In fact it is more like a month. I have suffered from migraines since I was a teenager. And most of the time I manage them with pain relief and sleep. But this year has seen these migraines intensify and become more frequent. Pain relief and sleep are not working quite like they use too. Maybe a trip to the Dr is what I might add to my list this week.

Overwhelmed:   with life. Specifically uni assignment deadlines, housework, sick kids, jobs to do, etc, etc. And it doesn't help that I am not giving myself any space to rest and rejuvenate each day. More is being taken and none is being put back in.

Loving:   my little nook outside that my wonderful husband created for me. I had an idea and he put it into action. It is a space outside that is private but allows me to look out into my garden. I can see lots of contemplating, reading and sketching happening in this space.

Inspired:   by the wonderful women I am connecting with through my art classes. Such encouraging, wise, beautiful and creative women. I feel so blessed.

Excited:   about the trip we are planning to Tasmania. It has been a dream of mine to go there and now in just a few months we will be there. So much to see and do and discover. We have bought maps and are beginning to map out our travels. Sarah discovered an island called Sarah Island and is so excited that we can go there as part of our Gordon River cruise. All the kids are excited that we get to fly again. And so am I.

Enjoying:   the blue sky, the cool breeze and warm sun. I love this time of year in my little part of the world.

The art of wild abandonment bloghop.

Hello.

Welcome to my first bloghop.

If you are following The Art of Wild Abandonment Bloghop you should have come from Michelle Daigle  over at The Paper Dog 

If you just came across my blog randomly, welcome and feel free to come along on the bloghop. 

At the end of this post I will link you to the next blog in the hop.

...............................................................

I love on-line classes.

I love being able to learn new techniques and skills. 

I love being inspired and challenged.

I love dicovering new ways of using supplies.

But....

 there is something I love even more than all that.

What I love most about on-line classes are the AMAZING people.

The teachers and the students from all over the world.

Some are close by and some are far away,

but what we have in common brings us close and that is special.

 One of the most recent on-line classes I enrolled in is called The Art of Wild Abandonment
by Junelle Jacobson.

The title of this class intrigued me.  It sounded so fun and free.

 I was ready to be wild.

 I wanted to get even more messy.

 I wanted to abandon old ways, be free and begin something new.

What I didn't know, was that I would also be introduced to an amazing woman who would inspire me in ways I didn't even realise I wanted to be.

I am not ready to share the specifics of this just yet but I am ready to say that I am grateful for discovering Junelle Jacobson
This woman is inspiring.

This woman is encouraging.

This woman is cute.

Junelle has a beautiful, gentle and fun teaching style.
She also has a beautiful way of expressing her heart and soul.
 It is refreshing and real.
She shares herself and has inspired me to share myself in my art.

Here are a few samples from my art journal. Not all are complete but they came from my heart.

I am so looking forward to playing more, listening to what my heart is saying

and

putting myself into my art.

It will be so much fun to fill my art journal with messages from my heart.
Messages of truth and love.

Thank you Junelle for teachng the Art of Wild Abandonment and inspiring me to hear my heart's voice.

...........................................

Ok now it is time for you to go on over to the next  blog  in the bloghop.

If you wish to go back to the beginning of the bloghop go here.

Have a great day wherever you are.

Learning to sketch.

My husband says I live down in the back of my head.  In other words I am always thinking, contemplating, considering, wondering, planning, stressing, etc.  My husband says I am not always present to the moment because I am down in the back of my head.

Please don't misjudge my husband. He doesn't say these things to be critical. On the contrary he says them to help me after I have just poured out my heart to him. When I am stressed and anxious and so overwhelmed I could crumble.  My husband gently offers encouragement and a possible explanation for my feelings.

Over the past 18 months I have been exploring ways I can become more present. I am not wanting to completely stop living down in the back of my head. 

I do a lot of good work down there.

 No, I just want to balance it.

 I want to be able to see and feel and touch and smell and taste and be totally present to what there is to learn and experience whilst being present.

One of the practices I have begun to love is sketching.

In fact I can't believe how relaxing it is.

What surprises me the most is that I would not consider myself a person who can draw. My repertoire until recently consisted of stick people, houses with a square and triangle, and maybe a basic flower.

Because my skills in drawing were so limited I decided I wanted to learn some techniques that would help as well as learn a bit about the type of pencils and paper to use.

After some investigating I came across an artist by the name of Alisa Burke. She shares her sketch book regularly on her blog and offers a wide selection of on-line classes. I signed up for sketch book delight part-1. and sketch book delight part-2.  I am still working on this one now.
Lots of wonderful tips and info.

Below are a few sketches I have been working on. They are all pretty rough. Certainly no masterpieces here, however that was never the goal.

Sketching with charcoal.



Added watercolour to this sketch.



Sketching for me has become something that has turned an agitated, anxious, overwhelmed spirit into a calm, peaceful relaxed soul.

 I look forward to developing this new practice and seeing what develops and where it goes.

Happy Place

This 12 x 12 canvas represents a happy place in my imagination.

What does your happy place look like?

My journey.

Do you ever struggle with being vulnerable?? 

Do you find it difficult to be real and authentic??

Do you find it scarey to be open and transparent??

Over the past few years I have been on a journey. Not a journey with a destination in mind but a journey whereby I see things along the way. Make new discoveries. Have adventures. Learn new things. 

 A journey that I hope never ends.

With my husband, children and a few especially close friends I can share my journey, my vulnerabilities, my real self and be totally authentic. I am not saying I am fake with everyone else. I am pretty real and honest and what you see is what you get. But I know there are some parts of me that I don't reveal to all.

My intention was to share my journey and heart here on this blog. Put it all out there. There was probably no-one reading it anyway.  However, I have found it difficult. For quite some time I have wondered why. I love to write and journal and I find it easy to access my thoughts. Still I know I am holding back. 

After a conversation with someone a while back I slowly began to realise why. It was a trust issue.

 I don't have many followers and I really have no idea how many people read my blog without following. The numbers don't bother me. I don't blog to build numbers. But I am scared. Scared because I don't know. Scared because I don't trust. Scared because there are probably people I know in my community who do read my blog. Scared because I do not want to be judged or ridiculed.

I think I feel particularly vulnerable because I live in a small community. Everyone knows everything about everyone. And really the question I have to ask myself is do I want the people who are around me everyday in my community to know my heart and soul so openly. Do I trust them??

Honestly, no I do not. Some people yes. Absolutely. I trust them and know my heart and soul are safe with them. Others though, not so much. I have seen all to often the way people treat one another. And yes I know because I too don't always treat others as I should.

Revealing your heart, your passions, your soul can be scarey at the best of times but revealing these amongst those who you know around you in your everyday life is positively nightmare-ish.

So what is the answer? Do I continue to keep somethings hidden deep in my soul? Do I continue to only share with the 'safe' people in my world?? Do I blog superficially??

No, no and no.

I want to be vulnerable, real, authentic.

I want to be open and transparent.

I want to be me.

I could make some sweeping promise to start trusting right now today.

 I could make a promise to reveal all here on this blog.

But I can't.

 It doesn't work that way.

 It takes time and prayer. It takes space and openess. 

 So my promise is this. To continue my journey. Continue to see what is shown to me and to continue to remain open to what is.  

Today I am.........

Enjoying:  the cool breeze which reminds me that winter is on its way. Oh how I long for winter. Where I live winter is fairly mild, however it is still cool enough to snuggle under the doona, wear scarves, enjoy yummy soups, stews and home made bread. Ahh winter I am waiting.

Tired:  mostly because of a lack of sleep. Last night my mind was stirring and dreaming and would not turn off. Even at 1:30 am. 

Hoping: tonight I have a much better sleep. I have a busy few days ahead and sleep could make those days much more pleasant.

Excited:  about the new on-line course I am taking. It's called Creatively Made Business and it is so inspiring. Go here to have a look.

Wishing:  I had an ironing lady so I didn't have to tackle that huge pile of ironing. I really do despise ironing. I would much rather create in my studio.

Loving:  the sunflowers in my kitchen that my husband bought for me. Such happy flowers. I can't help but smile every time I walk into the room.

Thinking:  about dinner tonight and what I could do with some chicken breast. Mustard chicken I think. Always a favourite in this household.

What are you doing today???

Made with Love

Earlier this year I had a friend ask me to make her a little heart shaped art work for her to use in her pregnancy photo shoot.  She had seen this canvas below and wanted her heart in the same look.

Here is what I did: 

Canvas heart

Covered in fabric scraps

Added paint

Added doodling

Printed text and adhered to heart

The finished product.

I was happy with how it turned out and so was my friend. Now I am just waiting to have a look at the pregnancy pictures and for the baby to arrive. 

Heart vs practicalities

After 4 weeks nursing it is time to get back into the studio  

Oh how I have missed this special place.

My haven. 

My soul restoring space. 

My little piece of tranquilty.

Of course I love my nursing. But my heart also craves creativity. 

And lately it has been pushed aside to make room for other things.

So today,

although I have
                                             

mountains of folding to fold,  

dishes to wash,  

beds to make

and floors to clean, 

I have decided to go with what my heart is saying. 

Today it is saying, "folding, dishes, beds and floors can wait, 

However your heart and soul cannot wait".

Today my heart needs to play,

Today my heart needs to feel,

Today my heart needs to create,

Today my heart needs to speak,

Today my heart needs to enjoy,

Today my heart lies here, 

In my private creative space.

Wait and replenish

I can't believe it is already half way through March. It seems like only yesterday I was covering school books and saying goodbye to the last few days of summer holidays. And now here we are, moving ever so closely to the Easter school holidays. Time seems to be racing along no matter how I try to slow things down.

Since my last post in February life has been full. As a family we continue to enjoy the everyday things that make  our life full but then add to that some extra, out of the ordinary events/issues and we begin to overflow. 

And when overflow happens certain things are put to the side. Things like creating and writing/blogging.  And to be honest I just haven't felt like it. Some things have begun to feel like a chore and when that happens I need to take a step back. 

Creating and writing are usually what I do for pleasure, for soul restoration, for me. And lately I haven't had the space or care to do that. 

I am being stretched and pulled in so many directions at the moment.

I am tired in every possible way.

I am weak in body, mind and spirit.

Things that use to give me pleasure are just annoying me at the moment. 

Life is sucking the life out of me. And unfortunately I am not replenishing that with anything. 

Despite all this though I am not unhappy. I am actually joyful. Weird but true. I know this time is for my growth. There is a purpose for it. I just have to keep looking to the strength from above. It will sustain me and it will get me through. Until then I must wait. And very soon I will receive the replenishing I so crave. I just know I will.

16 years

On the 28th January, 1996 I married my best friend and soul mate. It might sound cliche but it is true.
Steve and I loved our wedding. Everything was just perfect. If I got married today I don't think I would change anything. It was a beautiful day that reflected us and our personalities.

After 16 years and 4 children our love has grown stronger and deeper. It is a love that has held us together through the mountains and valleys of life. It is a love that I cherish and honor.  Thank you Steve for chosing me to share your life with. Thank you for inviting me on the journey with you. I love you today and always. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo