Change

"Change is the essence of life.

Be willing to surrender what you are

for what you could become"

 ~ Reinhold Niebuhr

The canvas piece below use to look a little different. The butterfly shape was collaged with multi-coloured papers. I wasn't liking where it was going and so it sat on the shelf for months.

Recently I decided it was time to do something with it. However, I was unsure what to do. I laid it on the studio table and over many days kept looking at it, wondering, could I salvage it somehow? After considering many options I eventually settled on keeping the basic butterfly shape but covering up the paper collage. I decided light modelling paste would be perfect to give it texture and a raised effect. As I got my supplies ready I began to doubt my decision. What if I made it worse? Should I cover up all the work I had already put into this piece? 'What if's' were bombarding my thoughts. I walked away from the studio.

The next day as I was going through a box I came across this quote (above) that I had written on a piece of paper a while ago. I instantly knew what it meant. It was time to surrender.

And so I began working on the new butterfly. The texture was just as I had imagined. The colouring with pan pastels and soft pastels was just what I needed to allow the new butterfly to emerge.

This piece is titled 'Awakening'. As I allow change to occur, as I surrender,  my soul awakens and is given freedom to become what it is meant to be. Freedom to emerge.

Let your heart soar.

Things have been a bit quiet in the studio the last few months.

Chicken pox times 4, fractured bones times 2,
colds, chest infections and an asthma diagnosis
 all added to an already busy life.



Timmy recovering after sedation and plastering.



Sarah's fractured collar bone.



Amongst this chaos and busyness I was having a melt down.

I was burnt out.

I kept a brave face.

I kept plodding along.

I tried to keep doing all the things I was commited to.

Then one night I just knew I couldn't go on.

I couldn't keep that brave face anymore.

I couldn't keep plodding along anymore.

I couldn't keep doing all those things I was commited too.

I was going through my diary, adding things here and there.

Filling up days at a speed I had never seen before.

That is when the anxiety set in.

I began to panic.

How could I do all this?

I was empty and spent.

I had nothing left.

I cried.

I spent the next week wandering around in a daze.

So tired and lost.

I spent days sitting and thinking and just being.

I read and sat some more.
I made decisions that were hard yet necessary.

Through these days of wondering and questioning and trying to 'see' again

 I realised I hadn't been in the studio for a while.

The busyness and fullness of life had taken me away.

I decided I would go and make a start.

Maybe I could just paint a background in my art journal.

I took one look at my studio table and gasped.

Where was it?

Two months of dumping stuff on top of more stuff had made my studio very unfit for creating.

So I ignored the studio for a few days after that.

 I was too tired and overwhelmed to tackle that project.

My soul however wasn't ready to give up.
It kept calling and reminding me it had things to release.

My soul wanted to play and experiment and share.

My soul was crying out for me to create something.

Anything.

Eventually I listened.

I devoted some time to tidying up.
Putting stuff away and making my space ready again.

My soul was thankful.
My soul was grateful.
My soul was getting excited.

The process of preparing my creative space was therapy in itself.

It was good to create again.

It was good to put paint to paper.

It was good to write some thoughts and words in my art journal.

I had missed this.

My soul had missed this.



The first layer of a new art journal page.

 

It has been a few weeks since I first began to melt down and unravel.

Am I better?

Heck no.

Am I less tired?

Not at all.

Is the anxiety gone?
Not completely.

But my soul feels a little fresher.

My heart is seeing hope again.

My world is still busy and chaotic.
It is difficult to allow myself the time to just create and play.

However, I am finding little bits of time here and there to

express my soul creatively.

I am trying to give myself permission to play in the studio again.

I am slowly allowing my heart to soar again.

And I like that.

Heart vs practicalities

After 4 weeks nursing it is time to get back into the studio  

Oh how I have missed this special place.

My haven. 

My soul restoring space. 

My little piece of tranquilty.

Of course I love my nursing. But my heart also craves creativity. 

And lately it has been pushed aside to make room for other things.

So today,

although I have
                                             

mountains of folding to fold,  

dishes to wash,  

beds to make

and floors to clean, 

I have decided to go with what my heart is saying. 

Today it is saying, "folding, dishes, beds and floors can wait, 

However your heart and soul cannot wait".

Today my heart needs to play,

Today my heart needs to feel,

Today my heart needs to create,

Today my heart needs to speak,

Today my heart needs to enjoy,

Today my heart lies here, 

In my private creative space.

What's been happening.

I have been taking part in a number of online classess this year. Learning lots of techniques and gaining experience with mixed media. Trying to find my niche. One class I particularly liked was Jennifer McQuire's Inspiration Showcase online class. You can find it here. This class was full of techniques and new ways to use the supplies I already have.

Here is my miniture version of the one created by Jennifer.



A little bit of creative play in the studio.

I have been busy with study and family but trying to fit in a bit of creative fun too. Here is a sample of what has been going on this week in the studio

This canvas is still a work in progress.



Where I create

A behind the scenes look at where I create.



In the Studio

Life is never dull at our place. With 6 people to love and share life with, there is always a lot going on. Places to go, things to learn, experiences to share, books to read, games to play, food to cook and definitely hugs and kisses to give and receive.

Amongst the busyness of life I like to make time to be creative. Spending time in the craft room/art studio/sewing room is a favourite past time in our home. It is a place to play, experiement, learn, laugh and just enjoy. Even Steve/Dad has been know to have some creative play time. 

Here is what has been going on in the studio this past week:

Fabric scrapbook page. This was fun.



Kids are doing an image transfer onto sticky back canvas.



The following cards weren't made in my studio but at a Stampin Up workshop. I have a good friend who is a Stampin Up Demonstrator and I wanted to go along to her workshops even though I have been making cards for years. I figure you can always learn something new. It was a lot of fun.